Daniel’s Birth
Daniel was my 2nd child, born 19 months after my first son, Diego. A little background on my first birth. My first birth was pretty traumatizing with a 4th degree tear, my newborn in shock and me hemorrhaging. I spent 5 days in the hospital with blood transfusion, surgery, and IV’s. I had him naturally with no pain medication. It was a short 4 hour labor, which was fast for a first timer. He was 4 days late and he came in weighing 9lbs 9oz. He is such a wonderful boy.
I found out I was pregnant when my oldest was 11 ½ months. I wanted another natural, med-free birth but after my first, and the year of recover down there, I was pretty scared. I was worried I would tear open again, that it would hurt to sit down for months and frankly, it looked like a grenade went off down there and left a lot of scarred tissue that still hurt 12 months postpartum. I switched to OBG-YN Associates before I found out I was pregnant because I heard Cindy Seagel was a lactation consultant and I was having a hard time with nursing my 5 month old. She was awesome and really helped me out. So after I found out I was pregnant, I stayed with them. I loved the midwives. Chloe took care of me most of the time and so I was really hoping she would be a my birth. They helped me through my fears of a repeat 4th degree and I was able to overcome the fears and struggles.
The pregnancy was going good until I tested positive for GD (gestational diabetes). I would not be allowed to use the ABC room at the hospital and was told I would have to be monitored, which I did not want. I was also scared of having another large baby.
I started cramping a few days before my due date and I just shrugged it off as nothing and laid down for a small nap. I woke up and thought I peed my pants so I went to the bathroom and realized I was leaking amniotic fluid. After 20 minutes of leaking, it finally burst. I called my midwife and she told me I could go ahead and head to the hospital so I could use the tub to try and relaze and soften the perineum tissue. My best friend Elizabeth, my Duala Kelly, my husband Carlos and I all headed to the hospital. I was having small contractions and by time we got there, they were pretty much still off and on. I was checked in and my midwife, Maureen, checked me and I was 5 centimeters. She hooked me to the monitors and my contractions had stopped. She went to talk to the Dr. about rather or not I could stay without being in labor and since my first was born in 4 hours, who knew how fast this one might be. I sat up in the bed and right away, I started having contractions. Once Maureen came back in, I told her so she went about getting me ready for a room.
I started having pretty regular contractions but they didn’t hurt to much so we settled in the room to rest and wait. My 2nd midwife, Joann, came in to take over for Maureen. She was wonderful and really was so much fun. We had a lot of laughs and my whole birth group was wonderful. I relaxed in the Jacuzzi for a while and then the contractions really set in. We went back to my room after a bit and I started having a lot of pain. I don’t really think it was that long but it felt like forever. I was hanging over the back of the bed trying to get comfortable and moaning while swinging my hips back and forth. All I could think of was I looked like a hippo walking, swinging my backside back and forth while making cow sounds. The picture in my head of that hippo really helped me focus on the amusement part and how stupid I must look. My midwife checked me again and I was only 6 cm dilated. I was pretty discouraged that I barely got anywhere but the friends really helped me focus. It was a very short time till I was 8 and begging to push. Everything in me wanted to push but I was scared of tearing. My midwife was trying to keep me from pushing since I was only 8 cm, but I couldn’t stop the urge. My body took over and was pushing involuntarily. I went from 8 to 10 in a few minutes and my son was born after only a few pushes. Unlike my first son, my 2nd was placed right on my stomach and the cord allowed to finish pulsating. After my husband cut the cord and I held my son for a bit, the nurses weighed him and he was only 7lbs 8oz. Mind you, that was 2lbs smaller then my first son.
I tore a little so I did have a few stitches but nothing like the first birth. I finally got the birth I wanted. I healed so much faster and everything went better. Joann was such a wonderful support and really helped me stick with my natural, med-free birth. The birth was 8 hours from the water breaking till he was born but the contractions were only 5 hours. The birth was longer then the first but I healed faster and was not so drugged up that I couldn’t seem to focus like my first. I love my boys and the joy they brought to my life. I love that I was empowered to have both of them naturally with no pain meds and I was blessed to have such wonderful people supporting me through it all.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Forgiveness
I had a wonderful chat not too long ago with a dear friend of mine on forgiveness. I grew up harboring thoughts of hate and pain towards people in my life. I grew up not forgiving people who hurt me, who abused my trust, who used me, and worse of all, the ones who abandoned me. It was not until I found true forgiveness in my heart that I was able to move on and really find God in my heart. I had to realize that I hurt just as many people, that I abused people's trust, that I back stabbed my friends and used people. I wanted to point out everyone's faults and try and climb the social ladder by standing on others by exposing their faults and issues.
Anyways, in this chat with my friend, I was talking about people leaving the village and how so many of them choose to point fingers and blame others for why they ended the way they did. I was one of those people. I wanted to count the millions of reasons I left. How hurt I was by people, no one loved me for me, I was looked down on for the things I did, no one would ever see me in a different light and so forth. Each and every person I know has done the same. Instead I realizing we were one of "those mean people" we want to be the victim that begs for the pity. We ALL have messed up in life. We ALL have sinned and brought shame to our Heavenly Father. We have ALL hurt and belittled others, looking down at someone below us. We have ALL totally messed up in life somewhere or another. So why is it so hard for us to be more forgiving of others faults? Do we want to "make them pay?" Or just move away and give them the I don't see you look? Maybe it's the "Let's lash out about others" on FB or some other type of blog. This is for everyone. Not just the people who have left but the people who remain bitter at the ones who left. This is for everyone who has made a place in their hearts for hate, bitterness, or rudeness towards someone. God has commanded us to FORGIVE. Not keep trying to ask for pity or post remarks about how you were so abused. At one point, we were the one abusing others. And by abusing, I mean looking down on, using your role to make others less then you or you to look better. Hurting others with your speech, your actions, or your emotions.
If we call ourselves Christians, then we have to grow up and be just that. Yes, I said it. Grow up. Don't spout out one second about how God is so wonderful then post some underlying comment about someone or someones you can't forgive. Quit using social media as your means of attacking others. Quit acting like a sweet wonderful believer then throwing careless words to the airways for the world to see.
I am going to post some song lyrics that really touched me and I hope you take a minute to really let them soak in and find that forgiveness to love and forgive. That same forgiveness Jesus gave us when he gave his life for us.
You must forgive,
Just as though they never sinned.
Though they cut your heart in two,
No matter what they do.
Will you forgive?
Though the knife is still in place,
Will your love like His erased
All the pain you had to face.
You must forgive.
And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.
When you come,
to pray before my Father’s throne.
Just remember what you owe,
Don’t be throwing any stones.
And when you come,
Take your heart to him, and forgive.
For there is no other path to life,
No other way to live.
You must forgive.
And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Just count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.
When you come,
To lay your heart into His hands.
Jesus knows and understands,
The pain you feel, and yet commands,
You must forgive.
*** I love you all and pray you take this message as encouragement to find a deeper relationship with Christ through forgiveness of those who hurt us. I know people who have forgiven and loved those who have hurt them worse than any of us have been hurt. A mother who forgave her son's killer, then went on to take him in as her son after 20 years of prison. We must be willing to put aside hate and pull those shards of glass from our hearts and move on. Not move on in hate, but move on in love.
God bless!
Anyways, in this chat with my friend, I was talking about people leaving the village and how so many of them choose to point fingers and blame others for why they ended the way they did. I was one of those people. I wanted to count the millions of reasons I left. How hurt I was by people, no one loved me for me, I was looked down on for the things I did, no one would ever see me in a different light and so forth. Each and every person I know has done the same. Instead I realizing we were one of "those mean people" we want to be the victim that begs for the pity. We ALL have messed up in life. We ALL have sinned and brought shame to our Heavenly Father. We have ALL hurt and belittled others, looking down at someone below us. We have ALL totally messed up in life somewhere or another. So why is it so hard for us to be more forgiving of others faults? Do we want to "make them pay?" Or just move away and give them the I don't see you look? Maybe it's the "Let's lash out about others" on FB or some other type of blog. This is for everyone. Not just the people who have left but the people who remain bitter at the ones who left. This is for everyone who has made a place in their hearts for hate, bitterness, or rudeness towards someone. God has commanded us to FORGIVE. Not keep trying to ask for pity or post remarks about how you were so abused. At one point, we were the one abusing others. And by abusing, I mean looking down on, using your role to make others less then you or you to look better. Hurting others with your speech, your actions, or your emotions.
If we call ourselves Christians, then we have to grow up and be just that. Yes, I said it. Grow up. Don't spout out one second about how God is so wonderful then post some underlying comment about someone or someones you can't forgive. Quit using social media as your means of attacking others. Quit acting like a sweet wonderful believer then throwing careless words to the airways for the world to see.
I am going to post some song lyrics that really touched me and I hope you take a minute to really let them soak in and find that forgiveness to love and forgive. That same forgiveness Jesus gave us when he gave his life for us.
You must forgive,
Just as though they never sinned.
Though they cut your heart in two,
No matter what they do.
Will you forgive?
Though the knife is still in place,
Will your love like His erased
All the pain you had to face.
You must forgive.
And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.
When you come,
to pray before my Father’s throne.
Just remember what you owe,
Don’t be throwing any stones.
And when you come,
Take your heart to him, and forgive.
For there is no other path to life,
No other way to live.
You must forgive.
And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Just count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.
When you come,
To lay your heart into His hands.
Jesus knows and understands,
The pain you feel, and yet commands,
You must forgive.
*** I love you all and pray you take this message as encouragement to find a deeper relationship with Christ through forgiveness of those who hurt us. I know people who have forgiven and loved those who have hurt them worse than any of us have been hurt. A mother who forgave her son's killer, then went on to take him in as her son after 20 years of prison. We must be willing to put aside hate and pull those shards of glass from our hearts and move on. Not move on in hate, but move on in love.
God bless!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Family visits
I am so blessed to have such wonderful families :) my mother came up and was able to be here for danny's birth and took care of me for 2 weeks. After that, my other mom and dad came up with the girls and stayed for a week. I had a lot of fun with everyone and was blessed with all the help I received from my moms and daddy. He hung shelving and hanging rods for us and mom Rachel hung frames. My mother painted diegos trees on his wall and took great care of me while I was healing. God truly loves me and my family.
Daniel is 10 lbs 4 oz now and is doing great. Such a wonderful baby. Diego is a great big brother minus the occasional hitting and biting. He is almost 2 in Jan :)
Love and miss all my friends
Daniel is 10 lbs 4 oz now and is doing great. Such a wonderful baby. Diego is a great big brother minus the occasional hitting and biting. He is almost 2 in Jan :)
Love and miss all my friends
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Our son Daniel
I am really bad about sitting down and writing blogs but every once in a while, I enjoy it. :)
First, I want to say I am blessed to have the wonderful family I have. I got to go to TN and visit for 2 weeks and enjoyed every bit of it. I have such wonderful friends and family there. I got to see my 2 cute nieces, both are so pretty, and my sisters, moms and dad. I did miss my hubby though and hopefully he can come next time.
Danny is growing. I am 28 weeks on Monday so it will be the start of my 3rd trimester. I am so grateful to be having another boy since it will help us save on clothes and such. God has taken care of us and I know he will continue doing that. We are naming our little man Daniel Micah Nathanial Mendoza. Daniel means Judged by God and I always wanted to name my little girl Danielle, but since God gave us another boy, I figured I should just go with the Daniel. Micah means Who is like Yah, which I love. We picked Micah because we want all our boys to have D for the first name and M for the middle. In this case we added Nathanial in as a 2nd middle name because I wanted to name him after my adopted dad who made a big difference in my life. It means Gift from God. So that is the idea behind the name :)
We will be moving sometime in August, next door to where we live. It has 3 bedrooms instead of the 1 bedroom (plus a little room) that we are in. I am looking forward to moving and having a bigger place to live although I have been blessed to be where I am. I will be 8 months prego when I move so I am hoping for a very unstressful month in August. We are going to Soulfest August 3-6th for a huge christain festival so that should be relazing and fun :)
My mom is coming up Sept 15th when I have the baby, so I am grateful for that, and I am hoping my sister makes it up. Samantha is coming the 16th I believe, so pray I have the baby while she is here because I want her at the birth. And Hopefully Nate and Rachel make it up here in Oct. I can't wait to see them all again.
I am going to have a wonderful doula at my birth to help me, being that I am scared to death to go through another birth like Diego. Kelly is a lady in the church up here and I am sooooooo lucky to live with her. She gets to hear everything I want in a birth, everyday :)
Well that is about all in updates. Carlos is doing well and working alot, and I am thankful about that. Hopefully I will write again in a few months :)
First, I want to say I am blessed to have the wonderful family I have. I got to go to TN and visit for 2 weeks and enjoyed every bit of it. I have such wonderful friends and family there. I got to see my 2 cute nieces, both are so pretty, and my sisters, moms and dad. I did miss my hubby though and hopefully he can come next time.
Danny is growing. I am 28 weeks on Monday so it will be the start of my 3rd trimester. I am so grateful to be having another boy since it will help us save on clothes and such. God has taken care of us and I know he will continue doing that. We are naming our little man Daniel Micah Nathanial Mendoza. Daniel means Judged by God and I always wanted to name my little girl Danielle, but since God gave us another boy, I figured I should just go with the Daniel. Micah means Who is like Yah, which I love. We picked Micah because we want all our boys to have D for the first name and M for the middle. In this case we added Nathanial in as a 2nd middle name because I wanted to name him after my adopted dad who made a big difference in my life. It means Gift from God. So that is the idea behind the name :)
We will be moving sometime in August, next door to where we live. It has 3 bedrooms instead of the 1 bedroom (plus a little room) that we are in. I am looking forward to moving and having a bigger place to live although I have been blessed to be where I am. I will be 8 months prego when I move so I am hoping for a very unstressful month in August. We are going to Soulfest August 3-6th for a huge christain festival so that should be relazing and fun :)
My mom is coming up Sept 15th when I have the baby, so I am grateful for that, and I am hoping my sister makes it up. Samantha is coming the 16th I believe, so pray I have the baby while she is here because I want her at the birth. And Hopefully Nate and Rachel make it up here in Oct. I can't wait to see them all again.
I am going to have a wonderful doula at my birth to help me, being that I am scared to death to go through another birth like Diego. Kelly is a lady in the church up here and I am sooooooo lucky to live with her. She gets to hear everything I want in a birth, everyday :)
Well that is about all in updates. Carlos is doing well and working alot, and I am thankful about that. Hopefully I will write again in a few months :)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Cling to His Hem
Sometimes we start doubting God and his healing, not just physically but emotionally too. Every person I know has been hurt, some more then others, but nontheless, they have been hurt. They have had trauma, pain, neglect, abuse, and so much more. Some struggle due to medical problems while others struggle with emotional problems. When times come that cause us to want to give up on ourselves, give up on the people around us, or give up on God's power to heal those hurts, we need to take that time to remember the woman in the Bible who struggled through the crowds just to touch his garment, because she knew his touch would heal. How many of us have that much faith? How many of us crawl on the ground, totally helpless just to touch his hem? I know it is possible. I have seen so many people who have been so hurt and abused through their lives be healed. Yes, there are scars and memories and sometimes the hurt can return, but it is in those moments that we turn our face to Jesus to help us.
I still to this day struggle with my past, with my hurt and guilt, sometimes seeming so fresh. I spent so much of my life either being hurt or hurting others, but God is healing it all and all I have to do is touch his garment. Sometimes it seems so dark and things seem helpless but I have to remember that Jesus can do anything. I cry out to him for healing and he is there.
We are his vessals and he made us to go through the fire. He made us strong enough to do his work. We sometimes forget that he made us in his image. We are the fruit of his hands. Built with love, devotion, and time. He shaped us, molded us, and made us to last for his purpose. He never said life was easy. He never said we wouldn't lose loved ones, nor did he say he would shelter us from the horrors or life and selfish natures of others. He said when those trials come, to cast our burdens on him and he would carry us. That is exactly what the woman who touched his hem did. She cast her sickness, fears, and her life onto Jesus and he took her burden and made her whole. We are to be like her. Jesus didn't mean for us to carry all our pains and hurts through life, because we would be the most depressed people ever alive.
In order for God to heal us, we have to forgive others for hurting us, repent for the hurt we have caused, love our enemies, and seek Jesus's healing, because it is there for those who seek it.
I still to this day struggle with my past, with my hurt and guilt, sometimes seeming so fresh. I spent so much of my life either being hurt or hurting others, but God is healing it all and all I have to do is touch his garment. Sometimes it seems so dark and things seem helpless but I have to remember that Jesus can do anything. I cry out to him for healing and he is there.
We are his vessals and he made us to go through the fire. He made us strong enough to do his work. We sometimes forget that he made us in his image. We are the fruit of his hands. Built with love, devotion, and time. He shaped us, molded us, and made us to last for his purpose. He never said life was easy. He never said we wouldn't lose loved ones, nor did he say he would shelter us from the horrors or life and selfish natures of others. He said when those trials come, to cast our burdens on him and he would carry us. That is exactly what the woman who touched his hem did. She cast her sickness, fears, and her life onto Jesus and he took her burden and made her whole. We are to be like her. Jesus didn't mean for us to carry all our pains and hurts through life, because we would be the most depressed people ever alive.
In order for God to heal us, we have to forgive others for hurting us, repent for the hurt we have caused, love our enemies, and seek Jesus's healing, because it is there for those who seek it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Expecting!
I am blessed to be carrying another child. God does his will even when it is not what we had planned at the time. I was not wanting to have a baby in Sept due to setting my school back and such, but some reason, God decided when he wanted it so I just have to take the days as they come. Thankfully, I haven't had much sickness, besides nausea a few times, but no throwing up.
I was worried that my midwife would not let me deliver naturally since I tore 4th degree with Diego and had 2 blood transfusion, but after I met with her today, she said she thinks I can still try it and I can use the ABC room, which is the closest thing to a bedroom/home as you get in a hospital. There are 2 ladies in our home church that are Douala's and both are going to help me and be my Doualas and I am soo glad about that since Mary is moving and she was with me for Diego's. I am a bit nervous to do the birth natural again, but I am even more scared to have a c section, so I think I will go natural. If this one goes will with no complications, then I plan to have the rest at home. Hopefully, both my moms from TN can come up around that time, along with any of my sisters.
Over all, I am just thankful God will take care of me either way.
I was worried that my midwife would not let me deliver naturally since I tore 4th degree with Diego and had 2 blood transfusion, but after I met with her today, she said she thinks I can still try it and I can use the ABC room, which is the closest thing to a bedroom/home as you get in a hospital. There are 2 ladies in our home church that are Douala's and both are going to help me and be my Doualas and I am soo glad about that since Mary is moving and she was with me for Diego's. I am a bit nervous to do the birth natural again, but I am even more scared to have a c section, so I think I will go natural. If this one goes will with no complications, then I plan to have the rest at home. Hopefully, both my moms from TN can come up around that time, along with any of my sisters.
Over all, I am just thankful God will take care of me either way.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A few lessons learned
God has been doing a lot with me spiritually, teaching me to be who I am supposed to be. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me wholeheartedly and helps me through each battle that comes my way. And yes, like any marriage, we do have are struggles to, but we always come through in the end.
This past week, he has been dealing with my emotions. :) Yes, he has been dealing with that for the past 20 years as many of you know, and I have not conquered them yet. But I plan too and i feel as though it is getting somewhat better. If I feel someone has hurt me in any way, I react in a very unloving, hurtful way back and make them pay, instead of just forgiving and letting God deal with it, I have a tendency to deal with problems myself. If someone says something i don;t like or i think is wrong, I react and have to be the one to point it out. I have noticed how much I notice my friends faults way more then I notice the good. (that was brought to my attention in a very painful way). I had build up so much anger at one of my best friends ever and started watching for anything she did that was wrong or hurtful. I started keeping track of faults and pointing out the deeds. To the point where I didn't have anything good to say any more. I had become so focused on the faults of others that I became so in tangled in it. Little did I know, it was going to come and bite me in the rear. God hit me hard and I spend a few days in anger, resentment, and bitterness towards her and myself and to be honest a bit with God. After several fights, I didn't even want to talk to, listen too and see her. Man, does God discipline hard. I had to face the truth in my heart that I was the problem. Instead of letting God deal with her faults and allowing my heart to heal from hurts, I tried to fix them myself. As a result of that, It caused a lot of conflict and hurts between both of us and now we are having to give each other space to grow with God without finding each others faults so often.
Thank God he gives 2ND chances, and in my case, hundred's of chances. I am learning and growing. In the mornings, Liz and i are going to read Psalms and Proverbs together to start rebuilding our relationship in Christ this time. Put aside our pasts, and build on our future with Christ's help now. Thank God we are sooo loved and blessed
This past week, he has been dealing with my emotions. :) Yes, he has been dealing with that for the past 20 years as many of you know, and I have not conquered them yet. But I plan too and i feel as though it is getting somewhat better. If I feel someone has hurt me in any way, I react in a very unloving, hurtful way back and make them pay, instead of just forgiving and letting God deal with it, I have a tendency to deal with problems myself. If someone says something i don;t like or i think is wrong, I react and have to be the one to point it out. I have noticed how much I notice my friends faults way more then I notice the good. (that was brought to my attention in a very painful way). I had build up so much anger at one of my best friends ever and started watching for anything she did that was wrong or hurtful. I started keeping track of faults and pointing out the deeds. To the point where I didn't have anything good to say any more. I had become so focused on the faults of others that I became so in tangled in it. Little did I know, it was going to come and bite me in the rear. God hit me hard and I spend a few days in anger, resentment, and bitterness towards her and myself and to be honest a bit with God. After several fights, I didn't even want to talk to, listen too and see her. Man, does God discipline hard. I had to face the truth in my heart that I was the problem. Instead of letting God deal with her faults and allowing my heart to heal from hurts, I tried to fix them myself. As a result of that, It caused a lot of conflict and hurts between both of us and now we are having to give each other space to grow with God without finding each others faults so often.
Thank God he gives 2ND chances, and in my case, hundred's of chances. I am learning and growing. In the mornings, Liz and i are going to read Psalms and Proverbs together to start rebuilding our relationship in Christ this time. Put aside our pasts, and build on our future with Christ's help now. Thank God we are sooo loved and blessed
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