Daniel's Birth Story

Daniel’s Birth

Daniel was my 2nd child, born 19 months after my first son, Diego. A little background on my first birth. My first birth was pretty traumatizing with a 4th degree tear, my newborn in shock and me hemorrhaging. I spent 5 days in the hospital with blood transfusion, surgery, and IV’s. I had him naturally with no pain medication. It was a short 4 hour labor, which was fast for a first timer. He was 4 days late and he came in weighing 9lbs 9oz. He is such a wonderful boy.
I found out I was pregnant when my oldest was 11 ½ months. I wanted another natural, med-free birth but after my first, and the year of recover down there, I was pretty scared. I was worried I would tear open again, that it would hurt to sit down for months and frankly, it looked like a grenade went off down there and left a lot of scarred tissue that still hurt 12 months postpartum. I switched to OBG-YN Associates before I found out I was pregnant because I heard Cindy Seagel was a lactation consultant and I was having a hard time with nursing my 5 month old. She was awesome and really helped me out. So after I found out I was pregnant, I stayed with them. I loved the midwives. Chloe took care of me most of the time and so I was really hoping she would be a my birth. They helped me through my fears of a repeat 4th degree and I was able to overcome the fears and struggles.
The pregnancy was going good until I tested positive for GD (gestational diabetes). I would not be allowed to use the ABC room at the hospital and was told I would have to be monitored, which I did not want. I was also scared of having another large baby.
I started cramping a few days before my due date and I just shrugged it off as nothing and laid down for a small nap. I woke up and thought I peed my pants so I went to the bathroom and realized I was leaking amniotic fluid. After 20 minutes of leaking, it finally burst. I called my midwife and she told me I could go ahead and head to the hospital so I could use the tub to try and relaze and soften the perineum tissue. My best friend Elizabeth, my Duala Kelly, my husband Carlos and I all headed to the hospital. I was having small contractions and by time we got there, they were pretty much still off and on. I was checked in and my midwife, Maureen, checked me and I was 5 centimeters. She hooked me to the monitors and my contractions had stopped. She went to talk to the Dr. about rather or not I could stay without being in labor and since my first was born in 4 hours, who knew how fast this one might be. I sat up in the bed and right away, I started having contractions. Once Maureen came back in, I told her so she went about getting me ready for a room.
I started having pretty regular contractions but they didn’t hurt to much so we settled in the room to rest and wait. My 2nd midwife, Joann, came in to take over for Maureen. She was wonderful and really was so much fun. We had a lot of laughs and my whole birth group was wonderful. I relaxed in the Jacuzzi for a while and then the contractions really set in. We went back to my room after a bit and I started having a lot of pain. I don’t really think it was that long but it felt like forever. I was hanging over the back of the bed trying to get comfortable and moaning while swinging my hips back and forth. All I could think of was I looked like a hippo walking, swinging my backside back and forth while making cow sounds. The picture in my head of that hippo really helped me focus on the amusement part and how stupid I must look. My midwife checked me again and I was only 6 cm dilated. I was pretty discouraged that I barely got anywhere but the friends really helped me focus. It was a very short time till I was 8 and begging to push. Everything in me wanted to push but I was scared of tearing. My midwife was trying to keep me from pushing since I was only 8 cm, but I couldn’t stop the urge. My body took over and was pushing involuntarily. I went from 8 to 10 in a few minutes and my son was born after only a few pushes. Unlike my first son, my 2nd was placed right on my stomach and the cord allowed to finish pulsating. After my husband cut the cord and I held my son for a bit, the nurses weighed him and he was only 7lbs 8oz. Mind you, that was 2lbs smaller then my first son.
I tore a little so I did have a few stitches but nothing like the first birth. I finally got the birth I wanted. I healed so much faster and everything went better. Joann was such a wonderful support and really helped me stick with my natural, med-free birth. The birth was 8 hours from the water breaking till he was born but the contractions were only 5 hours. The birth was longer then the first but I healed faster and was not so drugged up that I couldn’t seem to focus like my first. I love my boys and the joy they brought to my life. I love that I was empowered to have both of them naturally with no pain meds and I was blessed to have such wonderful people supporting me through it all.

Forgiveness

I had a wonderful chat not too long ago with a dear friend of mine on forgiveness. I grew up harboring thoughts of hate and pain towards people in my life. I grew up not forgiving people who hurt me, who abused my trust, who used me, and worse of all, the ones who abandoned me. It was not until I found true forgiveness in my heart that I was able to move on and really find God in my heart. I had to realize that I hurt just as many people, that I abused people's trust, that I back stabbed my friends and used people. I wanted to point out everyone's faults and try and climb the social ladder by standing on others by exposing their faults and issues.
Anyways, in this chat with my friend, I was talking about people leaving the village and how so many of them choose to point fingers and blame others for why they ended the way they did. I was one of those people. I wanted to count the millions of reasons I left. How hurt I was by people, no one loved me for me, I was looked down on for the things I did, no one would ever see me in a different light and so forth. Each and every person I know has done the same. Instead I realizing we were one of "those mean people" we want to be the victim that begs for the pity. We ALL have messed up in life. We ALL have sinned and brought shame to our Heavenly Father. We have ALL hurt and belittled others, looking down at someone below us. We have ALL totally messed up in life somewhere or another. So why is it so hard for us to be more forgiving of others faults? Do we want to "make them pay?" Or just move away and give them the I don't see you look? Maybe it's the "Let's lash out about others" on FB or some other type of blog. This is for everyone. Not just the people who have left but the people who remain bitter at the ones who left. This is for everyone who has made a place in their hearts for hate, bitterness, or rudeness towards someone. God has commanded us to FORGIVE. Not keep trying to ask for pity or post remarks about how you were so abused. At one point, we were the one abusing others. And by abusing, I mean looking down on, using your role to make others less then you or you to look better. Hurting others with your speech, your actions, or your emotions.
If we call ourselves Christians, then we have to grow up and be just that. Yes, I said it. Grow up. Don't spout out one second about how God is so wonderful then post some underlying comment about someone or someones you can't forgive. Quit using social media as your means of attacking others. Quit acting like a sweet wonderful believer then throwing careless words to the airways for the world to see.
I am going to post some song lyrics that really touched me and I hope you take a minute to really let them soak in and find that forgiveness to love and forgive. That same forgiveness Jesus gave us when he gave his life for us.


You must forgive,
Just as though they never sinned.
Though they cut your heart in two,
No matter what they do.
Will you forgive?

Though the knife is still in place,
Will your love like His erased
All the pain you had to face.
You must forgive.

And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.

When you come,
to pray before my Father’s throne.
Just remember what you owe,
Don’t be throwing any stones.
And when you come,
Take your heart to him, and forgive.
For there is no other path to life,
No other way to live.
You must forgive.

And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Just count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.

When you come,
To lay your heart into His hands.
Jesus knows and understands,
The pain you feel, and yet commands,
You must forgive.



*** I love you all and pray you take this message as encouragement to find a deeper relationship with Christ through forgiveness of those who hurt us. I know people who have forgiven and loved those who have hurt them worse than any of us have been hurt. A mother who forgave her son's killer, then went on to take him in as her son after 20 years of prison. We must be willing to put aside hate and pull those shards of glass from our hearts and move on. Not move on in hate, but move on in love.
God bless!

Family visits

I am so blessed to have such wonderful families :) my mother came up and was able to be here for danny's birth and took care of me for 2 weeks. After that, my other mom and dad came up with the girls and stayed for a week. I had a lot of fun with everyone and was blessed with all the help I received from my moms and daddy. He hung shelving and hanging rods for us and mom Rachel hung frames. My mother painted diegos trees on his wall and took great care of me while I was healing. God truly loves me and my family.
Daniel is 10 lbs 4 oz now and is doing great. Such a wonderful baby. Diego is a great big brother minus the occasional hitting and biting. He is almost 2 in Jan :)
Love and miss all my friends

Our son Daniel

I am really bad about sitting down and writing blogs but every once in a while, I enjoy it. :)

First, I want to say I am blessed to have the wonderful family I have. I got to go to TN and visit for 2 weeks and enjoyed every bit of it. I have such wonderful friends and family there. I got to see my 2 cute nieces, both are so pretty, and my sisters, moms and dad. I did miss my hubby though and hopefully he can come next time.

Danny is growing. I am 28 weeks on Monday so it will be the start of my 3rd trimester. I am so grateful to be having another boy since it will help us save on clothes and such. God has taken care of us and I know he will continue doing that. We are naming our little man Daniel Micah Nathanial Mendoza. Daniel means Judged by God and I always wanted to name my little girl Danielle, but since God gave us another boy, I figured I should just go with the Daniel. Micah means Who is like Yah, which I love. We picked Micah because we want all our boys to have D for the first name and M for the middle. In this case we added Nathanial in as a 2nd middle name because I wanted to name him after my adopted dad who made a big difference in my life. It means Gift from God. So that is the idea behind the name :)

We will be moving sometime in August, next door to where we live. It has 3 bedrooms instead of the 1 bedroom (plus a little room) that we are in. I am looking forward to moving and having a bigger place to live although I have been blessed to be where I am. I will be 8 months prego when I move so I am hoping for a very unstressful month in August. We are going to Soulfest August 3-6th for a huge christain festival so that should be relazing and fun :)

My mom is coming up Sept 15th when I have the baby, so I am grateful for that, and I am hoping my sister makes it up. Samantha is coming the 16th I believe, so pray I have the baby while she is here because I want her at the birth. And Hopefully Nate and Rachel make it up here in Oct. I can't wait to see them all again.

I am going to have a wonderful doula at my birth to help me, being that I am scared to death to go through another birth like Diego. Kelly is a lady in the church up here and I am sooooooo lucky to live with her. She gets to hear everything I want in a birth, everyday :)

Well that is about all in updates. Carlos is doing well and working alot, and I am thankful about that. Hopefully I will write again in a few months :)

Cling to His Hem

Sometimes we start doubting God and his healing, not just physically but emotionally too. Every person I know has been hurt, some more then others, but nontheless, they have been hurt. They have had trauma, pain, neglect, abuse, and so much more. Some struggle due to medical problems while others struggle with emotional problems. When times come that cause us to want to give up on ourselves, give up on the people around us, or give up on God's power to heal those hurts, we need to take that time to remember the woman in the Bible who struggled through the crowds just to touch his garment, because she knew his touch would heal. How many of us have that much faith? How many of us crawl on the ground, totally helpless just to touch his hem? I know it is possible. I have seen so many people who have been so hurt and abused through their lives be healed. Yes, there are scars and memories and sometimes the hurt can return, but it is in those moments that we turn our face to Jesus to help us.

I still to this day struggle with my past, with my hurt and guilt, sometimes seeming so fresh. I spent so much of my life either being hurt or hurting others, but God is healing it all and all I have to do is touch his garment. Sometimes it seems so dark and things seem helpless but I have to remember that Jesus can do anything. I cry out to him for healing and he is there.
We are his vessals and he made us to go through the fire. He made us strong enough to do his work. We sometimes forget that he made us in his image. We are the fruit of his hands. Built with love, devotion, and time. He shaped us, molded us, and made us to last for his purpose. He never said life was easy. He never said we wouldn't lose loved ones, nor did he say he would shelter us from the horrors or life and selfish natures of others. He said when those trials come, to cast our burdens on him and he would carry us. That is exactly what the woman who touched his hem did. She cast her sickness, fears, and her life onto Jesus and he took her burden and made her whole. We are to be like her. Jesus didn't mean for us to carry all our pains and hurts through life, because we would be the most depressed people ever alive.

In order for God to heal us, we have to forgive others for hurting us, repent for the hurt we have caused, love our enemies, and seek Jesus's healing, because it is there for those who seek it.

Expecting!

I am blessed to be carrying another child. God does his will even when it is not what we had planned at the time. I was not wanting to have a baby in Sept due to setting my school back and such, but some reason, God decided when he wanted it so I just have to take the days as they come. Thankfully, I haven't had much sickness, besides nausea a few times, but no throwing up.
I was worried that my midwife would not let me deliver naturally since I tore 4th degree with Diego and had 2 blood transfusion, but after I met with her today, she said she thinks I can still try it and I can use the ABC room, which is the closest thing to a bedroom/home as you get in a hospital. There are 2 ladies in our home church that are Douala's and both are going to help me and be my Doualas and I am soo glad about that since Mary is moving and she was with me for Diego's. I am a bit nervous to do the birth natural again, but I am even more scared to have a c section, so I think I will go natural. If this one goes will with no complications, then I plan to have the rest at home. Hopefully, both my moms from TN can come up around that time, along with any of my sisters.
Over all, I am just thankful God will take care of me either way.

A few lessons learned

God has been doing a lot with me spiritually, teaching me to be who I am supposed to be. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me wholeheartedly and helps me through each battle that comes my way. And yes, like any marriage, we do have are struggles to, but we always come through in the end.

This past week, he has been dealing with my emotions. :) Yes, he has been dealing with that for the past 20 years as many of you know, and I have not conquered them yet. But I plan too and i feel as though it is getting somewhat better. If I feel someone has hurt me in any way, I react in a very unloving, hurtful way back and make them pay, instead of just forgiving and letting God deal with it, I have a tendency to deal with problems myself. If someone says something i don;t like or i think is wrong, I react and have to be the one to point it out. I have noticed how much I notice my friends faults way more then I notice the good. (that was brought to my attention in a very painful way). I had build up so much anger at one of my best friends ever and started watching for anything she did that was wrong or hurtful. I started keeping track of faults and pointing out the deeds. To the point where I didn't have anything good to say any more. I had become so focused on the faults of others that I became so in tangled in it. Little did I know, it was going to come and bite me in the rear. God hit me hard and I spend a few days in anger, resentment, and bitterness towards her and myself and to be honest a bit with God. After several fights, I didn't even want to talk to, listen too and see her. Man, does God discipline hard. I had to face the truth in my heart that I was the problem. Instead of letting God deal with her faults and allowing my heart to heal from hurts, I tried to fix them myself. As a result of that, It caused a lot of conflict and hurts between both of us and now we are having to give each other space to grow with God without finding each others faults so often.

Thank God he gives 2ND chances, and in my case, hundred's of chances. I am learning and growing. In the mornings, Liz and i are going to read Psalms and Proverbs together to start rebuilding our relationship in Christ this time. Put aside our pasts, and build on our future with Christ's help now. Thank God we are sooo loved and blessed

Idolatry and Christians

If you look up the meaning of Idolatry, this is one of the definitions. "Excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc..." Ever notice how things in this world is becoming idols to everyone, including Christians? Or is it just me that is surrounded by people glued to their electronics? From T.v's, ipods, iphones, ipads, computers, normal phones, and mp3 players, it seems like we can never live without them now. We Americans have become so depended on electronics, that one day without them can land us in a pych ward. We have made Idols of them. We rely on them almost as much as God. If we spend as much time worshiping God and reading the bible as we spend on computers, iphones, and cell phones, I think we would be way closer to Christ and his people, and we would get so much more done in our daily lives. You see, the reason I know that is because I tried it. I spent 1 day away for the computer and ipod, and since I don't have an iphone, I don't have to worry much about my old phone. I spent the day cleaning house, making bread and granola, and made my whole day about trying to be productive. Wow! Did i get alot more done. And yes, that seems way obvious but for some reason, we get stuck in a rut of laziness, and as the diffanition above says, "blind devotion" to things that really don't matter. It says in 1Jo. 5:21 "To keep ourselves from idols". In those days, it was idols carved from stone and wood that people would bow to and worship. In today's age, its everything that can take our time and adoration from God. Not just electronics, but anything that is taking a higher place in our lives besides God.
I am writing this because I see it in myself and I want to encourage all my brothers and sister to look at your life and see what your idol is and find a way to make it less of an idol. Jesus says to make our treasures in heaven and not on earth because things on earth will decay and rust away, but our treasures in heaven will always reamain. Treasures in heaven such as friendships, Godliness, holiness, love, understanding, peace, encouragment to brothers and sisters in need, honoring your mother and father, understanding and compassion. These are the things we are to have. We all need to work on what really matters, reading and understanding the bible, praying, and being a servant.
None of this is to condeme others, but to build us up in Christ as a church and as brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not against electronics, I use them everyday. We just have to make sure we are not using them to seperate ourselves from eachother and Christ. Here are some common examples. 1. When someone walks in a room where you are, take of your earphones and put aside the computer. Take time to visit with them. 2. If a friend comes over to visit, don't answer every call that comes in and make your friend feel like you don't want them there. They can leave a message and you can call back. Phones are great for getting ahold of someone, but if it's not an emergency, let it ring and visit with the human standing in front of you. 3. Get out of your house more and go visit. Turn the computer off for a whole day (and if you have an iphone, don't get on the internet with that either) and see how much you get done. My day is friday. No computers, ipods or things that I tend to be glued too. Only me, my family, friends and God. I will have my phone, but even then, I will use it sparingly. I want my life to mean something in the end.
Let us encourage one another daily so that we do not fall into temptation and sin. Let us build eachother up with words of love and wisdom. Let us be compassionate to others and honoring to our fathers and mothers. Let us not be sucked into the world and the things of it, but let us be absorbed into Christ and his life. We, as mothers, wives and daughters, lets work on being the best moms, the best wives and daughters. Cleaning our homes, caring for our children and serving the people over you. We all have a place and a job to do, so lets do it.
I love all my brothers and sister and I hope this encouarges you as it does me. You are all in my hearts.

My mom's visit

My mom got to come up for 2 weeks and it was the best 2 weeks in a long time. We spent a lot of time together, going out and having fun. I am so glad she got to come up for the time she did, although, i am going to miss her tons. She makes me laugh and I am glad for that. I am proud to call her my mom and I can't wait till I get to see you again. i know you will miss Diego and I hope it won't be to hard on you being that far from your baby grandson. Hope to see you soon. Love ya mom and miss you already

Update

Well, I finally decided to sit down and write. Guess I am really bad at that. My family and i are doing good. Just trusting God to take care of us. My husband is laid off of work due to the job not having enough work to go around. He has been applying for jobs and so far, it is not going well. Today he did get an interview so I am hoping that works out. God has taken care of us this far and i am sure he will continue.

I am almost done with my 2nd semester in school. Just one more axam to go in math. I get a nice break till Jan 24th then I start my next 3 classes which are Human services and psych(which I don't enjoy at all). I am going to get my AA degree in early childhood development, which will allow me to work in daycares, teach kindergarden and other small things. So far, things are going well and i am maintaining a A in my classes, although, I think I may get a B on the last math test :)

Diego is growing fast. He is 10 1/2 months and thinks he is the king. He is standing on his own although, once he notices it, he will sit down. He has a ear infection right now and we are doing meds for that, so hopefully he will be feeling better soon. He is a little charmer and is the most outgoing child i have ever seen. He is not scared of anything or anyone, besides this little fake mouse that he hates. He loves playing with Malakie and Addie and they are soo cute playing together. He plays chase and peekaboo, which is absolutely adorable.

As for foster care, we finished our classes and now have to spend this following year getting an apartment, getting is aprroved and doing all the paper and background checks. We will be all done with everything by Nov next year then can take 1 baby in. I am looking forward to doing it, although I know it will be hard letting them go. Carlos and I both feel this is the direction God is taking us, so we are waiting for him.

I am blessed to have a family like mine. Nate and Rachel are the best adoptive parents i could ever ask for and i am so proud of my mom for everything she has been through and staying so strong. I love all my little sisters and my big sis. I am so proud to be an aunt of the 2 most beautiful little girls.

Sometimes when i start to doult God's love, I just have to remember all he has forgiven me for and loved me anyways. I only have to look at Rachel and my mom and know He loves me cause he gave me the best family I can have. I can't wait to come visit again. Diego should be walking by then :) Love you all and blessings from Rhode island

I am sooooo Blessed

An long overdue update

Today, I've begun to notice just how fast my little boy is growing up. He pulls himself up on the side of his crib, so now we have to drop it lower. I think he is starting to perfer food over mommy's milk and he is everywhere. We have begun to babyproof the apartment but he tends to find whatever he is not sposed to have, like plants, fireworks(the outside paper that is), paper in general. He loves chewings shoes, so now everyone has to keep their feet out of reach when he is around :) I am so blessed to have a little man like him. Such a wonderful thing.

TN

Headed to TN in 5 days... Wow!!!!!! I can't wait. I am excited to see my family (all of them) and get to hold my neice for the first time. Time flies and i can't believe it. I thank God he is giving me this time to go and be at Chasah's wedding too.. Its a blessing

Small Update

I figured I would sit down and write a small update on whats happening up here.

I am a stay at home mom, which is what I wanted to do. I enjoy spending my days at home with my little man and not having to worry about getting a job and such. I babysit Addie for Liz while she works during the day, which I enjoy, although all she does is makes up sleep from not sleeping during the night. :) She is a cute little girl. My husband, Carlos, works 6:30 to 5 monday-friday and sometims till 12 on Sat. I am learning to be a wife and mother and at times, I can honestly say, it's not easy, but I can also say that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I am going back to school Sept 7th to get my associate degree in Early Childhood development, so I can start a Daycare. Although, I plan to finish my 4 year degree in Education, so I can teach. I plan on homeschooling Diego, and anymore children if we ever have more. It will be a work going to school and being mom but I know plenty of moms that have. I am only taking 2 classes to start with, so that i can see what I can handle. School is 15 mins away, so its not bad.

We have lots of babies in RI now. Tammy Schieder has 2 children, Rose and Lucy. I have Diego; Liz has Addie; Cassie has Kai; and we have another couple who has 2 children, Angus and Coleman. And we have a new mom who is 12 weeks along with her first. So our gatherings are busy :) . i am going to try and get family shots on Sun to put up, if it does not rain.

We just bought our tickets to fly down to TN on July 24th for the wedding. We will be there till Aug 2nd. We are staying with Nathaniel and Rachel, YEAH!!!!!! It will be fun on the plane since Diego has never flown before. Nor is he used to being in his carseat for the trip from Nash to Selmer, but he will learn. Diego is one of the best baby's you can ever have. Besides not sleeping threw the night :). He is learning to sit up and loves to roll over (only at night when he is sposed to be sleeping though). He has tons of hair and i can't decide to cut it or not. I think I will wait till we go to TN and have someone down there help me. I would mess it all up if I tried.

I miss everyone at home, although I am very nervous to be coming back. Not sure how people will react towards me. A lot of people have blocked me or ignored me since I left and so it's kinda awkward but I know that everyone needs time to heal. But I hope that people can still be friendly though. I love everyone there and can't wait to see all my friends again, and all my little sisters and my big sis and new niece. I am sure most of you are looking forward to seeing me and my family and if you are not, thats ok. I am excited.

Well that is kinda a update. I am really bad about rabbit trails when writing so hope it's understandable. Thank you to the people who do talk to me now, because it does make it easier and less freaky to come back to visit :)

Blog

I made my blog privite since some people were getting on that I perfer not being here. So there is my explaination :) I mainly post pictures here, although I write some. I will be doing a update on what is going on soon, and will post it in a while

Beach Shots

Flower contest

Flower Contest- 5 unedited flowers.

http://johanna-an-old-fashioned-girl.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-am-hostinga-photography-contest.html

Dog versus Deer

My little man

Mom visiting

I am soooo happy my mom is going to be coming up to visit. I can't wait till she meets her little grandson..