Cling to His Hem

Sometimes we start doubting God and his healing, not just physically but emotionally too. Every person I know has been hurt, some more then others, but nontheless, they have been hurt. They have had trauma, pain, neglect, abuse, and so much more. Some struggle due to medical problems while others struggle with emotional problems. When times come that cause us to want to give up on ourselves, give up on the people around us, or give up on God's power to heal those hurts, we need to take that time to remember the woman in the Bible who struggled through the crowds just to touch his garment, because she knew his touch would heal. How many of us have that much faith? How many of us crawl on the ground, totally helpless just to touch his hem? I know it is possible. I have seen so many people who have been so hurt and abused through their lives be healed. Yes, there are scars and memories and sometimes the hurt can return, but it is in those moments that we turn our face to Jesus to help us.

I still to this day struggle with my past, with my hurt and guilt, sometimes seeming so fresh. I spent so much of my life either being hurt or hurting others, but God is healing it all and all I have to do is touch his garment. Sometimes it seems so dark and things seem helpless but I have to remember that Jesus can do anything. I cry out to him for healing and he is there.
We are his vessals and he made us to go through the fire. He made us strong enough to do his work. We sometimes forget that he made us in his image. We are the fruit of his hands. Built with love, devotion, and time. He shaped us, molded us, and made us to last for his purpose. He never said life was easy. He never said we wouldn't lose loved ones, nor did he say he would shelter us from the horrors or life and selfish natures of others. He said when those trials come, to cast our burdens on him and he would carry us. That is exactly what the woman who touched his hem did. She cast her sickness, fears, and her life onto Jesus and he took her burden and made her whole. We are to be like her. Jesus didn't mean for us to carry all our pains and hurts through life, because we would be the most depressed people ever alive.

In order for God to heal us, we have to forgive others for hurting us, repent for the hurt we have caused, love our enemies, and seek Jesus's healing, because it is there for those who seek it.

Expecting!

I am blessed to be carrying another child. God does his will even when it is not what we had planned at the time. I was not wanting to have a baby in Sept due to setting my school back and such, but some reason, God decided when he wanted it so I just have to take the days as they come. Thankfully, I haven't had much sickness, besides nausea a few times, but no throwing up.
I was worried that my midwife would not let me deliver naturally since I tore 4th degree with Diego and had 2 blood transfusion, but after I met with her today, she said she thinks I can still try it and I can use the ABC room, which is the closest thing to a bedroom/home as you get in a hospital. There are 2 ladies in our home church that are Douala's and both are going to help me and be my Doualas and I am soo glad about that since Mary is moving and she was with me for Diego's. I am a bit nervous to do the birth natural again, but I am even more scared to have a c section, so I think I will go natural. If this one goes will with no complications, then I plan to have the rest at home. Hopefully, both my moms from TN can come up around that time, along with any of my sisters.
Over all, I am just thankful God will take care of me either way.

A few lessons learned

God has been doing a lot with me spiritually, teaching me to be who I am supposed to be. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me wholeheartedly and helps me through each battle that comes my way. And yes, like any marriage, we do have are struggles to, but we always come through in the end.

This past week, he has been dealing with my emotions. :) Yes, he has been dealing with that for the past 20 years as many of you know, and I have not conquered them yet. But I plan too and i feel as though it is getting somewhat better. If I feel someone has hurt me in any way, I react in a very unloving, hurtful way back and make them pay, instead of just forgiving and letting God deal with it, I have a tendency to deal with problems myself. If someone says something i don;t like or i think is wrong, I react and have to be the one to point it out. I have noticed how much I notice my friends faults way more then I notice the good. (that was brought to my attention in a very painful way). I had build up so much anger at one of my best friends ever and started watching for anything she did that was wrong or hurtful. I started keeping track of faults and pointing out the deeds. To the point where I didn't have anything good to say any more. I had become so focused on the faults of others that I became so in tangled in it. Little did I know, it was going to come and bite me in the rear. God hit me hard and I spend a few days in anger, resentment, and bitterness towards her and myself and to be honest a bit with God. After several fights, I didn't even want to talk to, listen too and see her. Man, does God discipline hard. I had to face the truth in my heart that I was the problem. Instead of letting God deal with her faults and allowing my heart to heal from hurts, I tried to fix them myself. As a result of that, It caused a lot of conflict and hurts between both of us and now we are having to give each other space to grow with God without finding each others faults so often.

Thank God he gives 2ND chances, and in my case, hundred's of chances. I am learning and growing. In the mornings, Liz and i are going to read Psalms and Proverbs together to start rebuilding our relationship in Christ this time. Put aside our pasts, and build on our future with Christ's help now. Thank God we are sooo loved and blessed

Idolatry and Christians

If you look up the meaning of Idolatry, this is one of the definitions. "Excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc..." Ever notice how things in this world is becoming idols to everyone, including Christians? Or is it just me that is surrounded by people glued to their electronics? From T.v's, ipods, iphones, ipads, computers, normal phones, and mp3 players, it seems like we can never live without them now. We Americans have become so depended on electronics, that one day without them can land us in a pych ward. We have made Idols of them. We rely on them almost as much as God. If we spend as much time worshiping God and reading the bible as we spend on computers, iphones, and cell phones, I think we would be way closer to Christ and his people, and we would get so much more done in our daily lives. You see, the reason I know that is because I tried it. I spent 1 day away for the computer and ipod, and since I don't have an iphone, I don't have to worry much about my old phone. I spent the day cleaning house, making bread and granola, and made my whole day about trying to be productive. Wow! Did i get alot more done. And yes, that seems way obvious but for some reason, we get stuck in a rut of laziness, and as the diffanition above says, "blind devotion" to things that really don't matter. It says in 1Jo. 5:21 "To keep ourselves from idols". In those days, it was idols carved from stone and wood that people would bow to and worship. In today's age, its everything that can take our time and adoration from God. Not just electronics, but anything that is taking a higher place in our lives besides God.
I am writing this because I see it in myself and I want to encourage all my brothers and sister to look at your life and see what your idol is and find a way to make it less of an idol. Jesus says to make our treasures in heaven and not on earth because things on earth will decay and rust away, but our treasures in heaven will always reamain. Treasures in heaven such as friendships, Godliness, holiness, love, understanding, peace, encouragment to brothers and sisters in need, honoring your mother and father, understanding and compassion. These are the things we are to have. We all need to work on what really matters, reading and understanding the bible, praying, and being a servant.
None of this is to condeme others, but to build us up in Christ as a church and as brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not against electronics, I use them everyday. We just have to make sure we are not using them to seperate ourselves from eachother and Christ. Here are some common examples. 1. When someone walks in a room where you are, take of your earphones and put aside the computer. Take time to visit with them. 2. If a friend comes over to visit, don't answer every call that comes in and make your friend feel like you don't want them there. They can leave a message and you can call back. Phones are great for getting ahold of someone, but if it's not an emergency, let it ring and visit with the human standing in front of you. 3. Get out of your house more and go visit. Turn the computer off for a whole day (and if you have an iphone, don't get on the internet with that either) and see how much you get done. My day is friday. No computers, ipods or things that I tend to be glued too. Only me, my family, friends and God. I will have my phone, but even then, I will use it sparingly. I want my life to mean something in the end.
Let us encourage one another daily so that we do not fall into temptation and sin. Let us build eachother up with words of love and wisdom. Let us be compassionate to others and honoring to our fathers and mothers. Let us not be sucked into the world and the things of it, but let us be absorbed into Christ and his life. We, as mothers, wives and daughters, lets work on being the best moms, the best wives and daughters. Cleaning our homes, caring for our children and serving the people over you. We all have a place and a job to do, so lets do it.
I love all my brothers and sister and I hope this encouarges you as it does me. You are all in my hearts.

My mom's visit

My mom got to come up for 2 weeks and it was the best 2 weeks in a long time. We spent a lot of time together, going out and having fun. I am so glad she got to come up for the time she did, although, i am going to miss her tons. She makes me laugh and I am glad for that. I am proud to call her my mom and I can't wait till I get to see you again. i know you will miss Diego and I hope it won't be to hard on you being that far from your baby grandson. Hope to see you soon. Love ya mom and miss you already

Update

Well, I finally decided to sit down and write. Guess I am really bad at that. My family and i are doing good. Just trusting God to take care of us. My husband is laid off of work due to the job not having enough work to go around. He has been applying for jobs and so far, it is not going well. Today he did get an interview so I am hoping that works out. God has taken care of us this far and i am sure he will continue.

I am almost done with my 2nd semester in school. Just one more axam to go in math. I get a nice break till Jan 24th then I start my next 3 classes which are Human services and psych(which I don't enjoy at all). I am going to get my AA degree in early childhood development, which will allow me to work in daycares, teach kindergarden and other small things. So far, things are going well and i am maintaining a A in my classes, although, I think I may get a B on the last math test :)

Diego is growing fast. He is 10 1/2 months and thinks he is the king. He is standing on his own although, once he notices it, he will sit down. He has a ear infection right now and we are doing meds for that, so hopefully he will be feeling better soon. He is a little charmer and is the most outgoing child i have ever seen. He is not scared of anything or anyone, besides this little fake mouse that he hates. He loves playing with Malakie and Addie and they are soo cute playing together. He plays chase and peekaboo, which is absolutely adorable.

As for foster care, we finished our classes and now have to spend this following year getting an apartment, getting is aprroved and doing all the paper and background checks. We will be all done with everything by Nov next year then can take 1 baby in. I am looking forward to doing it, although I know it will be hard letting them go. Carlos and I both feel this is the direction God is taking us, so we are waiting for him.

I am blessed to have a family like mine. Nate and Rachel are the best adoptive parents i could ever ask for and i am so proud of my mom for everything she has been through and staying so strong. I love all my little sisters and my big sis. I am so proud to be an aunt of the 2 most beautiful little girls.

Sometimes when i start to doult God's love, I just have to remember all he has forgiven me for and loved me anyways. I only have to look at Rachel and my mom and know He loves me cause he gave me the best family I can have. I can't wait to come visit again. Diego should be walking by then :) Love you all and blessings from Rhode island

I am sooooo Blessed