A few things I am grateful for.
1. That God still loves me, no matter what I have done, or where I live. He loves me for me, something humans struggle to do.
2. That I have a loving, caring husband that loves me and the little guy that is yet to be born.
3. That God blessed me with a son, even in my sin. That he loved me enough to give me this precious gift.
4. I am thankful for all my friends in RI that do care about me and do there best to help me.
5. My new family. the Mendoza's..
6. I am grateful for all the love I have been shown for the last 23 years of my life, from people I never deserved it from.
7. I am grateful for Nathaniel and Rachel, who will always be my family, not matter what, and for the 4 girls, Naqah, Naqiy, Amara, and Moriah, who loved me like a big sister. You are all the best thing that happened to me, and you were the ones who broke through when no one else could.
8. I am grateful to Teshuvah and Mercy for doing their best to love me, even when I treated them bad. I will always love you.
9. For all the Overcomers who have been my friends for the last 14 years that I have known you. Even though, none of you will talk to me know that I have left, you will always be in my heart, no matter what. I have one day God unites us in heart and spirit, not neccaserly in flesh. You all have been a large part of my life and I am grateful for that.
10. For people such as Hashachar, Nora, Becky, Ariel, Ayala, Jerusha, Gannah, Channah, Rushi, and others who cared for me and talked to me and was my friend. Many of your talks may seem to have gone in one ear and out the other, but everyday, I know that much of who I am, are parts of you women who took your time to give me truth and love. Thank you all for that love.
11. For the men who were like fathers and brothers to me, Teshuvah, Gideon, Stephen, Elezar, Jim, Jeff, Shammah, Saraph, Asher (papa), David Dickerson, Grandpa Roy, Tabach, Yakyn, and more, you really did care about me and thank you for loving me the way you did. You all have a place in my heart and I love and miss you all.
12. I am thankful for everyone God put in my life, and even though many of you think it made no difference, it did. Things happen and i look back and go, oh, that was Nora, or Shammah. I am who I am cause of you all. And maybe I am not what everyone thought I would be, or was going to be, I am what I am and for that, God loves me.
13. I am grateful to Noah for doing what he has done for the Village, and although, I don't agree with everything. I do think its a good place that has God in it. Some people find God else were and I did not feel that I could never be a different person in many of your eyes. I had messed up one to many times and I felt it was time to move on. You all gave me everything you had and I failed to be what needed to be. I am sorry for that and I repent for being a selfish jerk while there.
14. To my sister, i am very grateful to know you and although we don't talk much, and I live states away, i will always love and care for you and my niece. I miss and love you dearly and hope that one day you can see me as your sister still. You are mom's joy. Stay that way. You are the only child she has left there and the rest of us broke her heart to many times. You really are her joy. You gave her a wonderful grandchild and a great son-in-law. Thank you for all you have done.
15. last but not least, to my mom, whom I love dearly. You did your best and It was I that failed, not you. I saw how much you blamed yourself when your 2 sons left and messed up, and I know it was hard, but it is not your fault. We made our choices and in doing so, it was our fault. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused to you and the embarrassment you endured because of my choices. You are the best woman i know, and you have taught me so much. You are my hero. You have been to hell and back and you still love God. You lost both your brothers to death, had a terrible mother, lost your 4 children to children services, did every sin possible, but you turned away from it all to give your children the best, and to follow God. Its an example I can follow. You gave up everything to follow God. Your sacrifice is a real example of what it means to pick up your cross and give everything away to follow him.. I love you mom, so much.
**** Although I may not live there, you are always in my thoughts and I love you all a lot. It has not been easy to be shunned away from everything I have know my entire life, nor is it easy to just move on and put you behind me. I don't feel that God is asking me to put you behind, but to ask your forgiveness for all the pain I have caused to you and for your forgiveness.
May God move upon you to forgive me and love me for who I became, not the image I was supposed to be. Many names are not on here, and its not cause I don't think about you or you did not make an impression, its because I am 32 weeks pregnant and can't remember things when I want. You all have a place in my heart and i will never forget you, nor i hope you, me.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.. Love Tammy Mendoza
