I went to my doctors appointment on Monday and had a test done to see how my blood sugar was. The called me today and said it was high, 138, and that I had to go for a 3hr check on next Monday. I could have diabetes.. What great news.. :) I then had to go and get a shot in my rear since I am B neg blood. If not, my body could abort the babies later on.. Seems other then that, I am doing well and can't wait till its over, although, I love feeling him inside kicking around and moving.. Makes me smile.
I am feeling a little stressed with the wedding 1 week away and being pregnant and all, but overall, its going well...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
New Faces
For the last couple weeks, several Haitian people have been coming to visit alot. One family has 3 children and they are a lot of fun. Pastor Nixon and his wife Malissa are very sweet and Malissa is doing my hair for the wedding. Also the night before, he brought his friend, Danny and his fiance to visit. They are both going to college for music. They are sweet and its nice to meet young christian people. I am so glad to be meeting people from Haiti and they are all sweet.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Update on my little guy
Just a update on how the little guy is doing. I am due Jan 22nd and so far he is on schedule, unless something unexpected happens. He kicks more then I could ever have imagined and I believe he loves music a lot, either that or he is trying to get away fro it.. Not sure which. So far, we do not have a name. Neither Carlos nor I can agree on what we like. I like Aidan, Danial, Nathaniel, Sean, Micah, and so forth and he hates them all... :) But we should have one by time he is born. I have only 14 weeks left till due date so I am kinda freaking about that. He is a joy to me and makes me laugh when I can feel him. I think he is already so full of personality and that's fun. Sometimes when he kicks, I push where he kicks and he does it again.. Sorta like we are playing.. I gained 27 lbs so far and I hope i lose it really quick after he is born.
I am having him in the ABC(alternate birthing center) room at Women and Infants. Its set up like a home, and they do not do drugs and take the baby away. He will stay with me the entire time I am there. I am hoping to make it through the pain without any drugs.
Other then that, I am just preparing for the wedding which is on Nov 7th.
I am having him in the ABC(alternate birthing center) room at Women and Infants. Its set up like a home, and they do not do drugs and take the baby away. He will stay with me the entire time I am there. I am hoping to make it through the pain without any drugs.
Other then that, I am just preparing for the wedding which is on Nov 7th.
Moving on
Yesterday, I received a text from an old friend, that stung. I feel like it is now time to move on to a different life. I have been holding out hope that one day my friends would still want to be my friend even though I no longer lived there, but after a friend from there sent me a heartbreaking text, I decided It's time to move on with my life and quit trying to make them see that I am still God's child. I cannot change what everyone thinks of me, only what i think of myself. Its time I quit writing my sister to try and convince her to love me, it's time that I quit writing my friends and trying to make them understand my choice, and its time to quit trying to stay in contact with people that can no longer see me as a friend. I am grateful for what God has given me and I need to be ok with everything. May God turn their hearts one day. I love and miss them all and hope that they will always know that.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Loving at no cost
Sometimes I wonder why God wants us to love everyone even the ones that don't deserve it. There are people I have met over the years that don't seem to deserve love but in the end other people tend to have that grace to love them when I can't seem to do it.. Guess God really wants me to learn that one. We were reading Romans 12 last night and a few things really stood out to me. For one thing, we must be sincere in our love. Not fake or showing off that we love, because then it's not from the heart. It would be better to not show any love if its not from the heart and sincere. The other thing that stood out to me was verse 17. Do not repay evil for evil. That is a hard one for me. People hurt me, I want to hurt them back. If people ignore me and treat me bad, nothing in me wants to love them at all. I tend to lean towards the "if they don't treat me right, then why should I treat them right". God is asking me to love. That includes all my friends who will have nothing to do with me, that includes all my family who thinks ill of me, that includes all the people who have hurt me over time.
I get so frustrated because I do not really understand the reasoning why that no matter how hard I try to do things right, my friends and family seem to think I will never be different. I want to be a new image, a new being that God looks on and says with pride in his eyes "that's my daughter and servant". But then again, that's way off the subject of love. Just that I need to love the people that despise me or talk bad about me and don't have hope. I still need to love them with an honest love.
I pray that the Lord will open my friends eyes to see that no matter what people do in their lives, there is always hope for them and even when they give up hope on me, God will always be there for me..
Romans 12:9-20 Love
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
I get so frustrated because I do not really understand the reasoning why that no matter how hard I try to do things right, my friends and family seem to think I will never be different. I want to be a new image, a new being that God looks on and says with pride in his eyes "that's my daughter and servant". But then again, that's way off the subject of love. Just that I need to love the people that despise me or talk bad about me and don't have hope. I still need to love them with an honest love.
I pray that the Lord will open my friends eyes to see that no matter what people do in their lives, there is always hope for them and even when they give up hope on me, God will always be there for me..
Romans 12:9-20 Love
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Psalms 27
I read Psalms 27 this morning, reluctantly, but nevertheless, I did it. It spoke to me, although at the moment, I was upset and mad about what it had to say. But later after thinking about it, I know that it was God speaking to me. I wanted to explain why it is for me. For one thing, in verse 3, it talks about though an army besiege me, I will not fear. I don't do that well.. I worry about everything. From my mom loving me to my sister not talking to me, I worry. God is sending things to test me, to see how well I trust him. I guess I have not reached that point yet. It says later, that I will sing and make music, be joyful, and well, to be honest, I have been the gloomiest snot lately. I give myself excuses about why I am like I am, but God i asking more of me now. It says later down, though my mother and father forsake me, I am loved by my heavenly father. I need to learn to make this chapter a part of my everyday life, not just my brain, but let it become part of my heart.. Its all I long for, but seems right out of my reach.. I hope that pray the God does his will so that I can be the best woman I can be for my soon to be husband. Thank you God for your words, even when I hate them and how they come.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Christ's love for the sinners
Not sure why I feel like writing this morning. First a long letter to my friend and now on here and its only 10am.
I was awake a lot last night thinking about how much Jesus loved sinners. From the prostitutes to the tax collectors and thieves. I am a sinner, no doubt about it. I have sinned and fallen short of glory. I traded my purity for pleasure. But in the end, no matter what I have done, Jesus loves me more then I could possibly know. He died on the cross for sinners like me.. Not perfect people that don't mess up. For sinners such as I. There are days that I just lose hope, but there are days, that I know God is all I need. In the 3 months between RCV and RI, I spent it doing what I wanted and running from God. I was done with him. I gave up hope on myself that God could ever make me a vessel for his use. I figured i would never be that pure, loving person that I wanted to be so hard and failed no matter what. I ran from God.
But there was one day after a series of events that I turned and ran as fast as I could back to Christ. I remember waking up that morning, by myself in my apartment, and sticking in a christian cd by Rebecca St James. Which at the time, I would not listen to Christian music. But I put it in and a song came on called "Stand" and I remember just falling on the the floor crying and begging for God to come back to me. And he was right there, with his arms wide open, telling me he was there. In less then 10 mins, I was on the phone with Marjie asking to let me come stay with her cause I needed God and I hated my life. I was 10 weeks pregnant and left my boyfriend and moved to be with friends. That was when I fully came to realize, I had nothing with Christ. Even in my sin, I was blessed BY GOD with a little baby and I am so happy that God loves sinners. He died for me and all others who did things they regret and are willing to turn away from sin and follow him. I am BLESSED.
Here are the lyrics to the song...
Written By Rebecca St. James and Reggie Hamm
There is a time for healing
There's a time for all purposes under the sun
There's a time for laughter
There's a time to let go and a time to hold on
So we are here, but why are we waiting
Why are we acting like dead men walking
The time has arrived
For us to arise
Joining our hands united together
This is our time to be strong
This is our time to rise up
To stand and be counted
This is our time to believe
To know in our God we are free
Let the world know to Him we belong
Lord capture our hearts now
Drown out the pleasures and treasures that bind us
Give us your courage
To be strong, to be brave, and to never back down
There's no time to lose
We can't be silent
In a world that is dying to find out the truth
We've got the hope
We've got the answer
Let's lay down our all
With reckless abandon
I was awake a lot last night thinking about how much Jesus loved sinners. From the prostitutes to the tax collectors and thieves. I am a sinner, no doubt about it. I have sinned and fallen short of glory. I traded my purity for pleasure. But in the end, no matter what I have done, Jesus loves me more then I could possibly know. He died on the cross for sinners like me.. Not perfect people that don't mess up. For sinners such as I. There are days that I just lose hope, but there are days, that I know God is all I need. In the 3 months between RCV and RI, I spent it doing what I wanted and running from God. I was done with him. I gave up hope on myself that God could ever make me a vessel for his use. I figured i would never be that pure, loving person that I wanted to be so hard and failed no matter what. I ran from God.
But there was one day after a series of events that I turned and ran as fast as I could back to Christ. I remember waking up that morning, by myself in my apartment, and sticking in a christian cd by Rebecca St James. Which at the time, I would not listen to Christian music. But I put it in and a song came on called "Stand" and I remember just falling on the the floor crying and begging for God to come back to me. And he was right there, with his arms wide open, telling me he was there. In less then 10 mins, I was on the phone with Marjie asking to let me come stay with her cause I needed God and I hated my life. I was 10 weeks pregnant and left my boyfriend and moved to be with friends. That was when I fully came to realize, I had nothing with Christ. Even in my sin, I was blessed BY GOD with a little baby and I am so happy that God loves sinners. He died for me and all others who did things they regret and are willing to turn away from sin and follow him. I am BLESSED.
Here are the lyrics to the song...
Written By Rebecca St. James and Reggie Hamm
There is a time for healing
There's a time for all purposes under the sun
There's a time for laughter
There's a time to let go and a time to hold on
So we are here, but why are we waiting
Why are we acting like dead men walking
The time has arrived
For us to arise
Joining our hands united together
This is our time to be strong
This is our time to rise up
To stand and be counted
This is our time to believe
To know in our God we are free
Let the world know to Him we belong
Lord capture our hearts now
Drown out the pleasures and treasures that bind us
Give us your courage
To be strong, to be brave, and to never back down
There's no time to lose
We can't be silent
In a world that is dying to find out the truth
We've got the hope
We've got the answer
Let's lay down our all
With reckless abandon
Monday, October 12, 2009
I always said I loved Fall the best, but in RI, I think they skip Fall... It went from hot to cold.. :) I love the colors on the tress though. I can't wait till next summer, when we can go to the beaches with our little boy... Carlos is a great man, and he really loves me and wants this little boy. I am setting up our room for after the wedding, and then the nursery for after the little guy is born... God has blessed me more then anyone could imagine...
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