Forgiveness

I had a wonderful chat not too long ago with a dear friend of mine on forgiveness. I grew up harboring thoughts of hate and pain towards people in my life. I grew up not forgiving people who hurt me, who abused my trust, who used me, and worse of all, the ones who abandoned me. It was not until I found true forgiveness in my heart that I was able to move on and really find God in my heart. I had to realize that I hurt just as many people, that I abused people's trust, that I back stabbed my friends and used people. I wanted to point out everyone's faults and try and climb the social ladder by standing on others by exposing their faults and issues.
Anyways, in this chat with my friend, I was talking about people leaving the village and how so many of them choose to point fingers and blame others for why they ended the way they did. I was one of those people. I wanted to count the millions of reasons I left. How hurt I was by people, no one loved me for me, I was looked down on for the things I did, no one would ever see me in a different light and so forth. Each and every person I know has done the same. Instead I realizing we were one of "those mean people" we want to be the victim that begs for the pity. We ALL have messed up in life. We ALL have sinned and brought shame to our Heavenly Father. We have ALL hurt and belittled others, looking down at someone below us. We have ALL totally messed up in life somewhere or another. So why is it so hard for us to be more forgiving of others faults? Do we want to "make them pay?" Or just move away and give them the I don't see you look? Maybe it's the "Let's lash out about others" on FB or some other type of blog. This is for everyone. Not just the people who have left but the people who remain bitter at the ones who left. This is for everyone who has made a place in their hearts for hate, bitterness, or rudeness towards someone. God has commanded us to FORGIVE. Not keep trying to ask for pity or post remarks about how you were so abused. At one point, we were the one abusing others. And by abusing, I mean looking down on, using your role to make others less then you or you to look better. Hurting others with your speech, your actions, or your emotions.
If we call ourselves Christians, then we have to grow up and be just that. Yes, I said it. Grow up. Don't spout out one second about how God is so wonderful then post some underlying comment about someone or someones you can't forgive. Quit using social media as your means of attacking others. Quit acting like a sweet wonderful believer then throwing careless words to the airways for the world to see.
I am going to post some song lyrics that really touched me and I hope you take a minute to really let them soak in and find that forgiveness to love and forgive. That same forgiveness Jesus gave us when he gave his life for us.


You must forgive,
Just as though they never sinned.
Though they cut your heart in two,
No matter what they do.
Will you forgive?

Though the knife is still in place,
Will your love like His erased
All the pain you had to face.
You must forgive.

And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.

When you come,
to pray before my Father’s throne.
Just remember what you owe,
Don’t be throwing any stones.
And when you come,
Take your heart to him, and forgive.
For there is no other path to life,
No other way to live.
You must forgive.

And when you come to pray,
If you have anything against, anyone.
Just count the debt as paid.
For yours was greater and forgiven,
By God’s son.

When you come,
To lay your heart into His hands.
Jesus knows and understands,
The pain you feel, and yet commands,
You must forgive.



*** I love you all and pray you take this message as encouragement to find a deeper relationship with Christ through forgiveness of those who hurt us. I know people who have forgiven and loved those who have hurt them worse than any of us have been hurt. A mother who forgave her son's killer, then went on to take him in as her son after 20 years of prison. We must be willing to put aside hate and pull those shards of glass from our hearts and move on. Not move on in hate, but move on in love.
God bless!

Family visits

I am so blessed to have such wonderful families :) my mother came up and was able to be here for danny's birth and took care of me for 2 weeks. After that, my other mom and dad came up with the girls and stayed for a week. I had a lot of fun with everyone and was blessed with all the help I received from my moms and daddy. He hung shelving and hanging rods for us and mom Rachel hung frames. My mother painted diegos trees on his wall and took great care of me while I was healing. God truly loves me and my family.
Daniel is 10 lbs 4 oz now and is doing great. Such a wonderful baby. Diego is a great big brother minus the occasional hitting and biting. He is almost 2 in Jan :)
Love and miss all my friends

Our son Daniel

I am really bad about sitting down and writing blogs but every once in a while, I enjoy it. :)

First, I want to say I am blessed to have the wonderful family I have. I got to go to TN and visit for 2 weeks and enjoyed every bit of it. I have such wonderful friends and family there. I got to see my 2 cute nieces, both are so pretty, and my sisters, moms and dad. I did miss my hubby though and hopefully he can come next time.

Danny is growing. I am 28 weeks on Monday so it will be the start of my 3rd trimester. I am so grateful to be having another boy since it will help us save on clothes and such. God has taken care of us and I know he will continue doing that. We are naming our little man Daniel Micah Nathanial Mendoza. Daniel means Judged by God and I always wanted to name my little girl Danielle, but since God gave us another boy, I figured I should just go with the Daniel. Micah means Who is like Yah, which I love. We picked Micah because we want all our boys to have D for the first name and M for the middle. In this case we added Nathanial in as a 2nd middle name because I wanted to name him after my adopted dad who made a big difference in my life. It means Gift from God. So that is the idea behind the name :)

We will be moving sometime in August, next door to where we live. It has 3 bedrooms instead of the 1 bedroom (plus a little room) that we are in. I am looking forward to moving and having a bigger place to live although I have been blessed to be where I am. I will be 8 months prego when I move so I am hoping for a very unstressful month in August. We are going to Soulfest August 3-6th for a huge christain festival so that should be relazing and fun :)

My mom is coming up Sept 15th when I have the baby, so I am grateful for that, and I am hoping my sister makes it up. Samantha is coming the 16th I believe, so pray I have the baby while she is here because I want her at the birth. And Hopefully Nate and Rachel make it up here in Oct. I can't wait to see them all again.

I am going to have a wonderful doula at my birth to help me, being that I am scared to death to go through another birth like Diego. Kelly is a lady in the church up here and I am sooooooo lucky to live with her. She gets to hear everything I want in a birth, everyday :)

Well that is about all in updates. Carlos is doing well and working alot, and I am thankful about that. Hopefully I will write again in a few months :)

Cling to His Hem

Sometimes we start doubting God and his healing, not just physically but emotionally too. Every person I know has been hurt, some more then others, but nontheless, they have been hurt. They have had trauma, pain, neglect, abuse, and so much more. Some struggle due to medical problems while others struggle with emotional problems. When times come that cause us to want to give up on ourselves, give up on the people around us, or give up on God's power to heal those hurts, we need to take that time to remember the woman in the Bible who struggled through the crowds just to touch his garment, because she knew his touch would heal. How many of us have that much faith? How many of us crawl on the ground, totally helpless just to touch his hem? I know it is possible. I have seen so many people who have been so hurt and abused through their lives be healed. Yes, there are scars and memories and sometimes the hurt can return, but it is in those moments that we turn our face to Jesus to help us.

I still to this day struggle with my past, with my hurt and guilt, sometimes seeming so fresh. I spent so much of my life either being hurt or hurting others, but God is healing it all and all I have to do is touch his garment. Sometimes it seems so dark and things seem helpless but I have to remember that Jesus can do anything. I cry out to him for healing and he is there.
We are his vessals and he made us to go through the fire. He made us strong enough to do his work. We sometimes forget that he made us in his image. We are the fruit of his hands. Built with love, devotion, and time. He shaped us, molded us, and made us to last for his purpose. He never said life was easy. He never said we wouldn't lose loved ones, nor did he say he would shelter us from the horrors or life and selfish natures of others. He said when those trials come, to cast our burdens on him and he would carry us. That is exactly what the woman who touched his hem did. She cast her sickness, fears, and her life onto Jesus and he took her burden and made her whole. We are to be like her. Jesus didn't mean for us to carry all our pains and hurts through life, because we would be the most depressed people ever alive.

In order for God to heal us, we have to forgive others for hurting us, repent for the hurt we have caused, love our enemies, and seek Jesus's healing, because it is there for those who seek it.

Expecting!

I am blessed to be carrying another child. God does his will even when it is not what we had planned at the time. I was not wanting to have a baby in Sept due to setting my school back and such, but some reason, God decided when he wanted it so I just have to take the days as they come. Thankfully, I haven't had much sickness, besides nausea a few times, but no throwing up.
I was worried that my midwife would not let me deliver naturally since I tore 4th degree with Diego and had 2 blood transfusion, but after I met with her today, she said she thinks I can still try it and I can use the ABC room, which is the closest thing to a bedroom/home as you get in a hospital. There are 2 ladies in our home church that are Douala's and both are going to help me and be my Doualas and I am soo glad about that since Mary is moving and she was with me for Diego's. I am a bit nervous to do the birth natural again, but I am even more scared to have a c section, so I think I will go natural. If this one goes will with no complications, then I plan to have the rest at home. Hopefully, both my moms from TN can come up around that time, along with any of my sisters.
Over all, I am just thankful God will take care of me either way.

A few lessons learned

God has been doing a lot with me spiritually, teaching me to be who I am supposed to be. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me wholeheartedly and helps me through each battle that comes my way. And yes, like any marriage, we do have are struggles to, but we always come through in the end.

This past week, he has been dealing with my emotions. :) Yes, he has been dealing with that for the past 20 years as many of you know, and I have not conquered them yet. But I plan too and i feel as though it is getting somewhat better. If I feel someone has hurt me in any way, I react in a very unloving, hurtful way back and make them pay, instead of just forgiving and letting God deal with it, I have a tendency to deal with problems myself. If someone says something i don;t like or i think is wrong, I react and have to be the one to point it out. I have noticed how much I notice my friends faults way more then I notice the good. (that was brought to my attention in a very painful way). I had build up so much anger at one of my best friends ever and started watching for anything she did that was wrong or hurtful. I started keeping track of faults and pointing out the deeds. To the point where I didn't have anything good to say any more. I had become so focused on the faults of others that I became so in tangled in it. Little did I know, it was going to come and bite me in the rear. God hit me hard and I spend a few days in anger, resentment, and bitterness towards her and myself and to be honest a bit with God. After several fights, I didn't even want to talk to, listen too and see her. Man, does God discipline hard. I had to face the truth in my heart that I was the problem. Instead of letting God deal with her faults and allowing my heart to heal from hurts, I tried to fix them myself. As a result of that, It caused a lot of conflict and hurts between both of us and now we are having to give each other space to grow with God without finding each others faults so often.

Thank God he gives 2ND chances, and in my case, hundred's of chances. I am learning and growing. In the mornings, Liz and i are going to read Psalms and Proverbs together to start rebuilding our relationship in Christ this time. Put aside our pasts, and build on our future with Christ's help now. Thank God we are sooo loved and blessed

Idolatry and Christians

If you look up the meaning of Idolatry, this is one of the definitions. "Excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc..." Ever notice how things in this world is becoming idols to everyone, including Christians? Or is it just me that is surrounded by people glued to their electronics? From T.v's, ipods, iphones, ipads, computers, normal phones, and mp3 players, it seems like we can never live without them now. We Americans have become so depended on electronics, that one day without them can land us in a pych ward. We have made Idols of them. We rely on them almost as much as God. If we spend as much time worshiping God and reading the bible as we spend on computers, iphones, and cell phones, I think we would be way closer to Christ and his people, and we would get so much more done in our daily lives. You see, the reason I know that is because I tried it. I spent 1 day away for the computer and ipod, and since I don't have an iphone, I don't have to worry much about my old phone. I spent the day cleaning house, making bread and granola, and made my whole day about trying to be productive. Wow! Did i get alot more done. And yes, that seems way obvious but for some reason, we get stuck in a rut of laziness, and as the diffanition above says, "blind devotion" to things that really don't matter. It says in 1Jo. 5:21 "To keep ourselves from idols". In those days, it was idols carved from stone and wood that people would bow to and worship. In today's age, its everything that can take our time and adoration from God. Not just electronics, but anything that is taking a higher place in our lives besides God.
I am writing this because I see it in myself and I want to encourage all my brothers and sister to look at your life and see what your idol is and find a way to make it less of an idol. Jesus says to make our treasures in heaven and not on earth because things on earth will decay and rust away, but our treasures in heaven will always reamain. Treasures in heaven such as friendships, Godliness, holiness, love, understanding, peace, encouragment to brothers and sisters in need, honoring your mother and father, understanding and compassion. These are the things we are to have. We all need to work on what really matters, reading and understanding the bible, praying, and being a servant.
None of this is to condeme others, but to build us up in Christ as a church and as brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not against electronics, I use them everyday. We just have to make sure we are not using them to seperate ourselves from eachother and Christ. Here are some common examples. 1. When someone walks in a room where you are, take of your earphones and put aside the computer. Take time to visit with them. 2. If a friend comes over to visit, don't answer every call that comes in and make your friend feel like you don't want them there. They can leave a message and you can call back. Phones are great for getting ahold of someone, but if it's not an emergency, let it ring and visit with the human standing in front of you. 3. Get out of your house more and go visit. Turn the computer off for a whole day (and if you have an iphone, don't get on the internet with that either) and see how much you get done. My day is friday. No computers, ipods or things that I tend to be glued too. Only me, my family, friends and God. I will have my phone, but even then, I will use it sparingly. I want my life to mean something in the end.
Let us encourage one another daily so that we do not fall into temptation and sin. Let us build eachother up with words of love and wisdom. Let us be compassionate to others and honoring to our fathers and mothers. Let us not be sucked into the world and the things of it, but let us be absorbed into Christ and his life. We, as mothers, wives and daughters, lets work on being the best moms, the best wives and daughters. Cleaning our homes, caring for our children and serving the people over you. We all have a place and a job to do, so lets do it.
I love all my brothers and sister and I hope this encouarges you as it does me. You are all in my hearts.

My mom's visit

My mom got to come up for 2 weeks and it was the best 2 weeks in a long time. We spent a lot of time together, going out and having fun. I am so glad she got to come up for the time she did, although, i am going to miss her tons. She makes me laugh and I am glad for that. I am proud to call her my mom and I can't wait till I get to see you again. i know you will miss Diego and I hope it won't be to hard on you being that far from your baby grandson. Hope to see you soon. Love ya mom and miss you already