Not sure why I feel like writing this morning. First a long letter to my friend and now on here and its only 10am.
I was awake a lot last night thinking about how much Jesus loved sinners. From the prostitutes to the tax collectors and thieves. I am a sinner, no doubt about it. I have sinned and fallen short of glory. I traded my purity for pleasure. But in the end, no matter what I have done, Jesus loves me more then I could possibly know. He died on the cross for sinners like me.. Not perfect people that don't mess up. For sinners such as I. There are days that I just lose hope, but there are days, that I know God is all I need. In the 3 months between RCV and RI, I spent it doing what I wanted and running from God. I was done with him. I gave up hope on myself that God could ever make me a vessel for his use. I figured i would never be that pure, loving person that I wanted to be so hard and failed no matter what. I ran from God.
But there was one day after a series of events that I turned and ran as fast as I could back to Christ. I remember waking up that morning, by myself in my apartment, and sticking in a christian cd by Rebecca St James. Which at the time, I would not listen to Christian music. But I put it in and a song came on called "Stand" and I remember just falling on the the floor crying and begging for God to come back to me. And he was right there, with his arms wide open, telling me he was there. In less then 10 mins, I was on the phone with Marjie asking to let me come stay with her cause I needed God and I hated my life. I was 10 weeks pregnant and left my boyfriend and moved to be with friends. That was when I fully came to realize, I had nothing with Christ. Even in my sin, I was blessed BY GOD with a little baby and I am so happy that God loves sinners. He died for me and all others who did things they regret and are willing to turn away from sin and follow him. I am BLESSED.
Here are the lyrics to the song...
Written By Rebecca St. James and Reggie Hamm
There is a time for healing
There's a time for all purposes under the sun
There's a time for laughter
There's a time to let go and a time to hold on
So we are here, but why are we waiting
Why are we acting like dead men walking
The time has arrived
For us to arise
Joining our hands united together
This is our time to be strong
This is our time to rise up
To stand and be counted
This is our time to believe
To know in our God we are free
Let the world know to Him we belong
Lord capture our hearts now
Drown out the pleasures and treasures that bind us
Give us your courage
To be strong, to be brave, and to never back down
There's no time to lose
We can't be silent
In a world that is dying to find out the truth
We've got the hope
We've got the answer
Let's lay down our all
With reckless abandon